Helllooooo cleavage!

Awhile back, I did a quick comparison of Heidi Montag pre-, post- and post-post-op (or is that post-op-op?), and noted that she’s looking less and less lifelike these days. (Note: pre-ops = 1.0; post-op = 2.0; post-post-op = 2.5) Yesterday, Yeeeah posted some pictures of Heidi 2.5 while on set at Adam Sandler’s new movie (which we sincerely hope is funnier and shorter than Funny People) and noted that she looks like a cartoon–a caricature of herself.

Personally, I think she’s still hot even though she’s lacking a bit in the realness category. But what I find strangest is that Heidi 2.5 is essentially the perfect girl on paper: blond, trim and busty. Yet, somehow, in reality it just doesn’t quite work. My biggest gripe is the texture of her face–I’m not sure what texture to expect if I touched it. Would it feel plasticy? Spongy? Leathery? It has the look of a smoothly glazed Nerf basketball, as do her boobs which are obviously going to give her serious back problems. But, I take less issue with those.

I won’t wax all psychological about her obvious mental issues, but I definitely hope she stops short of Dr. Drew’s couch. I’m not sure what the ultimate goal is for Mrs. Montag. One can only hope it’s to leave her douchey husband and date someone much wealthier who has half a brain in his head. Shallow as that may be, shooting 1 for 10 is better than 0 for 10, right? Plus, there’s newfound hope now that she’s dropped him as her manager (not sure that a psychic’s much better, but whatever).

Alright, enough from me–enjoy Heidi’s basketball-sized breasts. Be sure to check out our swimsuits since it’s warming up!

Vienna Gerardi's beaver

Vienna Girardi–the winner of Jake Pavelka’s heart on this season of The Bachelor–had some old modelling photos released recently via TMZ.  These photos explain earlier releases that made her out to be a hussy. While questionable, it seems to be a group of girls who are as, if not more, scantily glad than Ms. Girardi. As always, things were blown a little out of proportion. Still, that beaver pic is priceless!

We have an entire collection of swimsuits, all better than those in the photos. See for yourself here!

The real queen bee.

It’s a scene reminiscent of The French Connection or Scarface: South American beauty queens smuggling drugs through European customs in suitcases.  Their cover?  Nothing more than a few blouses folded neatly on top of the cellophane-wrapped bricks.  Hard to believe that it ever took place, let alone in 2010.  But, that’s precisely what The Daily Beast is reporting: for the past year, a gang of South American models and pageant queens used their stunning beauty to smuggle drugs into Europe via suitcases.  Indeed, pretty girls can get away with most anything…

Unfortunately for these brash young ladies, one of them–only 21 years old–was apprehended with more than 120lbs of cocaine in her suitcase and spilled the beans on the entire operation.  Now, Angie Sanselmente Valencia, the operation’s 30-year-old queenpin, has fled to parts unknown, and it’s only a matter of time before she winds up dead or in custody.  All good things must end.  Stay tuned for the movie (nearly guaranteed) in a few years.

Every man in America is watching that tape.

Controversial Bachelor contestant Rozlyn Papa can’t seem to stay out of the press lately.  First, she got booted off the bachelor for an “innappropriate” relationship with a producer.  Now, she reportedly has a few sex tapes floating around.  It’s a real shame for her.  I mean, who wants that released?  But, it’s a boon to lovers of the female gender, because Rozlyn’s as hot as they come.

Honestly, tell me you're not interested!

Of course, the 28-year-old model is doing what anyone would do by denying that they’re real and securing a court order to stop them.  However, TMZ’s usually pretty good with this stuff, so we believe them.  Expect ol’ Roz to cop to it in a couple months when they’re out in the open.

I genuinely feel bad for this poor girl whose life has been turned upside-down in the past three months.  This is certainly not a good look for her modeling career.  Although, it could jumpstart her socialite career, or possibly lead to a stint in the porn industry.  Maybe its not all bad?  Hey, she wanted to be famous (why else would you be on The Bachelor?)–now she is.  The price of fame is steep.

Miranda Kerr gets comfortable, and Terry horses around.

Ask most people who their favorite fashion photographer is, and they’ll probably say Richard Avedon or Anne Leibovitz.  However, ask any sub-30-year-old male who he digs, and–unless he’s a photo-snob–he’ll likely say Terry Richardson.  That’s because Richardson brings an overflashed raw sexuality that’s become a style of its own.  These days, he’s everywhere, doing campaigns Tom Ford to GQ and back again.  Recently, he brought his special brand of toplessness to the Pirelli Tires campaign, and boy is it hot.  So hot, in fact, that it’s not for people under 18.  Fashion may see nudity as a thing of beauty, but most American parents do not.

Calendar includes:

• Miranda Kerr
• Catherine McNeil
• Daisy Lowe
• Abbey Lee Kershaw

Anyways, enough jabbering–enjoy the making of Terry Richardson’s 2010 Pirelli Calendar:

The Making of the 2010 Pirelli Calendar by Terry Richardson from Rafael Rubira fashion4fun.com.br on Vimeo.

Olivie gets wilde on all fours.

Olivia Wilde, the girl Megan Fox once said she’d strangle an Ox to be with, recently posed for Elle Magazine in a rather suggestive positions that we find fascinating.  Just for good measure, we’ve decided to throw in some shots of her GQ spread as well.

It ain't easy being cheesy...

Heidi Montag appears to have fully recovered from her TLC Intervention-level plastic surgery just a few short months ago. Now, she’s showing off her Terminator face in some lingerie photos. I still wouldn’t kick her out of bed, though I imagine she’d have a tough time showing any kind of enjoyment after all that facial trauma.

Find a similar corset here.  More pics, including pre-surgery, after the jump.

Heidi Montag before plastic surgery

Heidi Montag after surgery.

In a swimsuit, just because.

Said escort ad, courtesy of TMZ.com

Jayde Nicole – 2008 Playboy playmate of the year and girlfriend of reality TV star Brodie Jenner – has apparently been advertised as a Las Vegas escort. Rather than condemn, or even explain the mix-up (it’s a pretty common occurrence in Vegas), allow us to ponder how great it’d be if it were true.

Imagine, paying just $35 to get this hot lil ditty to your room:

Photo courtesy of Playboy Magazine

Hell, imagine paying $3,500 to get her there—it’s just money. (I hear they take credit cards which aren’t even real money anyways.) I don’t care if you’re male or female; it’s worth thinking over.

Photo by Photo Agency

So, you’re sitting there with your small (or large) pile ‘o cash, awaiting her arrival…What do you do? Shower? Tidy up a bit? Put on some Teddy P, turn off the lights and light a candle?  You probably go with all of the above, having never ordered an escort, prostitute or otherwise before, nervous that it’s an LVPD trap.

Jade gets there, I imagine in something resembling this:

Bra, Garter Belt & Thong Set - $37.95

You close the door and get to it—the whole nine yards: strawberries, whip cream, Teddy P.–and when it’s over, the problem becomes clear: she’s too hot.  The whole thing leaves you reeling.  Everything after this point will be a let down.  The bar has been set too high, thus ruining sex from that point forward.

So, was it worth the $3,500?  Definitely.